i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
