i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dignity is for republicans.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Mom said you looked used
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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