that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
