I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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