i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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