just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
