toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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