So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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