Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
