I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I love having hate sex.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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