I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
