apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We smell like vodka and hangover
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