i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
