I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
