i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
