My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
