i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
