Soap is not a condiment
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
His hands were made for my vagina.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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