Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
