I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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