Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Randomize
