i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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