This house was built for laser tag.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
