We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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