Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
