I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
