eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
