I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
birth control should be required to get into college
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
