You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
