M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize