great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
