You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
