well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
