I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
