According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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