Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
home. puking in laundry basket.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
