the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize