I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
