That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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