I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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