I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
