If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
