we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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