apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
