Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
bring money and cleavage
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I forget how to act sober
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
