I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
