Don't make out with my wife yet
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
