after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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