I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
