we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
