Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
