I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
