She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize