8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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