your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
