STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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