Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
not ubering you a puppy
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize