fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
