Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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