do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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