everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
