i permit you to call me
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
