i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
