If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
